The cities below...

The more I learn about Astrology and especially study and observe my own chart the more I see how interconnected all the parts are. How we are all in a complex web of forces that are struggling towards synthesis. And as one person makes a synthesis in there life I do believe the whole is affected. This makes it very hard to write about because you have to find a way to keep all the factors in mind and yet simplify and put some form to what you write about. Anyway these are really only thoughts on the run.
Yesterday my car was declared officially dying. Not dead yet but well on the way. I can see it as a metaphor for where I have been at. My life is a reflection of me as is my lemon of a car. And I can feel it in my bones the change building inside me. On the one hand Saturn is retrograding back(and will be to May)over towards my natal Pluto bringing or heightening my sense of restriction, frustration and a touch of despair ala car and no money and feeling unsatisfied with work. And on the other hand there a whole lot of planets in Aquarius moving towards Pisces where I have Jupiter conjunct Chiron. Neptune in just now beginning to affect my Natal Jupiter/Chiron. So I feel this sense of optimism growing inside me and I am finally accepting what I have to contribute. This is alongside the other feelings and experiences.
Now Saturn is in the sixth house of Work amongst other things and it’s at work that I have felt the most frustration in my life. I have struggled like you would not believe to find or create a job that’s me and still haven’t got there yet. I put out for TV program and I know I could do it. But in the meantime I have to deepen where I am at as well as dream of a different future. And I haven’t found a way to bring my unique skill, passion, vision to my daily work. It’s up to me to do that. I hide my gifts and then wonder why they are not recognised, Crazy huh!
So I am going to make a concerted effort on this front. And I will keep dreaming of larger, broader horizons at the same time.
This brings me to the craziest bit of all.
Here goes…last week before the tiger dream I had this one: I am on a plane at night and it’s about to take off. I am flying to Turkey and will land there the in the morning (Constantinople I assume).The pilot tells me that in order to do this we have to take off and fly up so high that the lights of the cities below will look like stars in the sky and then we will come down (steeply and fast!!) and land the next morning. I feel a mixture of fear and excitement in the dream and reflect on what it will be like t o be in Turkey tomorrow morning. It will be my first time out of Australia!?
Now dreams are usually not to be taken literally but metaphorically and I can see a lot of metaphor in this dream. And …this is where it gets bizarre. I am 46 years old and have never been out of Australia literally. I have this great shame about this and really cannot give a rational explanation. My intuition is that I have been held here, forced to stay put so as to learn things that cannot be learnt any other way. Restriction forces you to see differently! In some ways its forced my imagination and my mind to fly and travel. But I yearn to physically travel as well, as do most of us. And now I look at my chart and I can’t help but see the connection with Saturn and wonder if now is the time to really learn the saturnine lesson and also break free once and for all. You still with me? And in the meantime my baby boy is still in hospital, no car, struggling at work and I had a day off on Monday, just bolted and spent a day alone. My boss talks to me about and they are trying to help me which his cool and she asks if I need time off and I have one week paid leave owing…
Then I start to wonder…what if I got on a plane and went to Constantinople for one week. What would happen? Lots would happen I am sure. I know no one there. But I do know it’s got an amazing history and was at the centre of Christianity for a time. Big, big, stuff in the soul of the city. And when I get right out there I wonder if there will be some clue as to why I have been so restricted and held in my life, this family, cultural curse I have struggled with. Is it some past life stuff needing to be resolved? I am not fully convinced about reincarnation but certainly keep an open mind. And I have had glimpses of and bodily intuitions of a violent death because of a clash of faiths in my past. If I am t o become a healer is this where I need to go. To seek healing. Do I just follow this tiny thread of hope beyond hope and believe the door will open for me? Brad Keeney does this sort of stuff all the time. Other people do this stuff so I am not completely crazy. I want to just put it out there and believe that if its the cosmos calling then it will flow and open up if not its cool it was a great dream. Lets wait and see what happens, one thing s for sure…theres a lot of pots on the stove at he moment!! A lot of pots!