Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Uranus, Hermes and Max.

Pisce New Moon last night. My Dad was a Pisces, he would be 85 today. His sun conjuncted Mercury a real trickster.
Yesterday after work, package in letterbox. Yes!! I'm stoked...I love packages, always books arriving by mail. Mercury/Hermes delivers. Double stoked as its Liz Greene: The art of stealing fire. I love Liz Greenes writing style and I am hungry to read what she says about Uranus/ Prometheus. Uranus my central puzzle, my self.
I open the book on the spot. What the ...! Ive been sent a Spanish translation? I dont read or write spanish...or maybe I do?
Thanks Mercury
Thanks Dad.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The cities below...

The more I learn about Astrology and especially study and observe my own chart the more I see how interconnected all the parts are. How we are all in a complex web of forces that are struggling towards synthesis. And as one person makes a synthesis in there life I do believe the whole is affected. This makes it very hard to write about because you have to find a way to keep all the factors in mind and yet simplify and put some form to what you write about. Anyway these are really only thoughts on the run.
Yesterday my car was declared officially dying. Not dead yet but well on the way. I can see it as a metaphor for where I have been at. My life is a reflection of me as is my lemon of a car. And I can feel it in my bones the change building inside me. On the one hand Saturn is retrograding back(and will be to May)over towards my natal Pluto bringing or heightening my sense of restriction, frustration and a touch of despair ala car and no money and feeling unsatisfied with work. And on the other hand there a whole lot of planets in Aquarius moving towards Pisces where I have Jupiter conjunct Chiron. Neptune in just now beginning to affect my Natal Jupiter/Chiron. So I feel this sense of optimism growing inside me and I am finally accepting what I have to contribute. This is alongside the other feelings and experiences.
Now Saturn is in the sixth house of Work amongst other things and it’s at work that I have felt the most frustration in my life. I have struggled like you would not believe to find or create a job that’s me and still haven’t got there yet. I put out for TV program and I know I could do it. But in the meantime I have to deepen where I am at as well as dream of a different future. And I haven’t found a way to bring my unique skill, passion, vision to my daily work. It’s up to me to do that. I hide my gifts and then wonder why they are not recognised, Crazy huh!
So I am going to make a concerted effort on this front. And I will keep dreaming of larger, broader horizons at the same time.
This brings me to the craziest bit of all.
Here goes…last week before the tiger dream I had this one: I am on a plane at night and it’s about to take off. I am flying to Turkey and will land there the in the morning (Constantinople I assume).The pilot tells me that in order to do this we have to take off and fly up so high that the lights of the cities below will look like stars in the sky and then we will come down (steeply and fast!!) and land the next morning. I feel a mixture of fear and excitement in the dream and reflect on what it will be like t o be in Turkey tomorrow morning. It will be my first time out of Australia!?
Now dreams are usually not to be taken literally but metaphorically and I can see a lot of metaphor in this dream. And …this is where it gets bizarre. I am 46 years old and have never been out of Australia literally. I have this great shame about this and really cannot give a rational explanation. My intuition is that I have been held here, forced to stay put so as to learn things that cannot be learnt any other way. Restriction forces you to see differently! In some ways its forced my imagination and my mind to fly and travel. But I yearn to physically travel as well, as do most of us. And now I look at my chart and I can’t help but see the connection with Saturn and wonder if now is the time to really learn the saturnine lesson and also break free once and for all. You still with me? And in the meantime my baby boy is still in hospital, no car, struggling at work and I had a day off on Monday, just bolted and spent a day alone. My boss talks to me about and they are trying to help me which his cool and she asks if I need time off and I have one week paid leave owing…
Then I start to wonder…what if I got on a plane and went to Constantinople for one week. What would happen? Lots would happen I am sure. I know no one there. But I do know it’s got an amazing history and was at the centre of Christianity for a time. Big, big, stuff in the soul of the city. And when I get right out there I wonder if there will be some clue as to why I have been so restricted and held in my life, this family, cultural curse I have struggled with. Is it some past life stuff needing to be resolved? I am not fully convinced about reincarnation but certainly keep an open mind. And I have had glimpses of and bodily intuitions of a violent death because of a clash of faiths in my past. If I am t o become a healer is this where I need to go. To seek healing. Do I just follow this tiny thread of hope beyond hope and believe the door will open for me? Brad Keeney does this sort of stuff all the time. Other people do this stuff so I am not completely crazy. I want to just put it out there and believe that if its the cosmos calling then it will flow and open up if not its cool it was a great dream. Lets wait and see what happens, one thing s for sure…theres a lot of pots on the stove at he moment!! A lot of pots!

books and houses

In a previous post I put out for TV program …I can blame it on Uranus Sun in Leo. I want to make large leaps forward…now! No patience. Maybe before that I do that I have to write the book about the Green and Gold Christ. Its all circling about inside almost a complete vision…the pressure is building! I will keep writing and now put out for help to write the book. I don’t really want to do a PhD that’s purely academic so will explore the possibilities. I am also putting out and praying for place to move to soon. 2 bedrooms and a study or 3 bedrooms (one room to write in and see clients), wooden floors, backyard with tree’s, lock up garage for art studio. I need to explore the options for a house loan but that stuff scares me! Crazy but true. I am giving double messages aren’t I, bugger! I want to buy a place and be settled, put down roots. I believe that the right house in the right suburb is calling us we just have to find it or let it find us.

The Gold in the Green

I’ve been wondering about what’s up in Australia at the moment. In the space of a few weeks there has been the 5 year old girl dropped to her death from a bridge by her father and then flooding in North Queensland and fires in Victoria. Most tragically have been the deaths of children. Now at one level there is nothing new about any of this. There have been floods and fires and the murder of children since the beginning of time. That’s true. And then at the same time there are larger patterns of meaning, synchronistic events. One of the guiding ideas of Jung’s is that archetypes transgress boundaries. They happen on the inner and outer world at the same time. Astrology is one way to see the patterns. So let me just rave impressionistically as I do.
I have been thinking about Australia as the being the place of something new. Astrologers writing in Europe and the US have noted that when a new planet is discovered it’s like the consciousness is ready to engage with a new energy in a more conscious fashion. And synchronistic events emerge to confirm this. What’s different in Australia is that our culture (white people) has been forming on a new continent whilst these new energies infused the wider consciousness. Uranus was discovered very close t o the “discovery of Australia 1781. Neptune was discovered in 1846 and heralded a number of changes that others have written about (sorry folks this is an impressionistic sketch not a complete essay) and has also been linked with the birth of cinema. Surprise surprise the first full length movie…not the U.S, England, France…no Australia. 1906 we produced an 80 minute film on Ned Kelley! A Trickster Outlaw…no surprises really, remember Uranus/ Prometheus is a rebel. I loved the Ned Kelley story as a kid. I will try and see if I can do a more in depth natal chart for Ned. I bet there will be a strong emphasis on Uranus.
What does it say that it’s Australian cinematographers (more then actors, directors and producers) that often less well known and celebrated but who are acknowledged widely in the industry. We intuitively have a different way of seeing, a different aesthetic but we are less effective with selling this vision or articulating its difference. These are just off the top of my head reflection, feel free to disagree.
Pluto was a more recent discovery (1930) and coincided with the splitting of the atom and its enormous destructive power. And it was Japan who copped the full force of this destructive energy. The bombs were dropped by the U.S. Yet it was Australia who under threat from Japan not the U.S. We are like the little brother who is in fight and holding there own despite being out numbered and at the last minute big brother rushes to our defence. Who knows what would have happened. Would the war have reached Australia and then dragged out for years? We don’t know as the fight was finished by the big brother and his big guns. Our history is intrinsically connected to the Atom Bomb and its enormous destructive power. Yet we haven’t had to deal with it in the same way. We have kept our hands clean. Japan may want to forget its role as aggressor but it can never forget the destruction that happened on its soil. The U.S will always carry the mixed feelings of ending one problem through the creation of a much larger problem. Yes the argument goes, better them then the Nazis, and yes it was just a matter of time before another country developed the technology yet history will never forget that it was the US who unleashed Hell first, twice. And we did allow atomic weapons to be tested here and as usual it had destructive effects but this has been covered up or ignored.
I am yet to explore this further but Jung had a vision in 1939 of a Green and Gold Christ. I cannot help but think his vision is synchrocisitically linked with the Atom Bomb as it was in 1939 that Einstein first proposed building an atom Bomb. Is it the World psyches answer to the opening of hell?
As an aside also in 1939 Germaine Greer, John Winston Howard (lest we forget) and Philip Adams were all born. What a strange trio all carrying pretty damned powerful energies into Australia and the world.
Back to Jung: he saw the green and Gold as an alchemical vision of Christ and yet didn’t develop it further in his writing. Or at least not explicitly. It’s implicit in his working through the meanings of the Christ symbol and its relation to alchemy etc but as far as I know he never mentions a green and gold Christ anywhere.
I have spoken publicly of this and how somewhere along the way Australia has identified with the Green and Gold Colours even though they don’t appear on our national flag. I think they connect t o Golden wattles or some other flowers. I would like to write a book or do a PhD on this Green and Gold Christ as being the basis of an Australian Alchemical Ecological Christianity. A Christianity that acknowledges and in a fashion marries Archetypal Astrology. Opposites can marry. Christianity and Astrology are rooted in other lands and other cultures. They have never fully rooted in our culture especially not Christianity. And we are the worst off for it. There is this great gaping hole at the centre of our psyche. My intuition says that for us the alchemical “Gold” which the alchemist sought and which has become a metaphor for being our spiritual essence or Self in Jungian terms will be found not only through the inner journey but through the outer ecological journey, the green. I am convinced that this can be our gift to the world. Remember deep ecology was cofounded here by John Seed an Aussie (No coincidence with that name!!). It was articulated and named by a Norwegian. Australian are notoriously better at practice then philosophy to the annoyance of our intellectuals who continue to look longingly at Europe or the US for “greener” pastures.
I feel like my task is to join up the dots in a different pattern so the pattern can unfold. It is unfolding but slowly and it’s not seen that clearly. To be is to be seen. In Australia it’s like we still haven’t been seen. Our potential hasn’t been seen, not by ourselves or the world. We keep waiting for others to notice us but I think we have to see ourselves first. To see the pattern of Uranus, Neptune and Pluto working mysteriously in the background and the future role that a Green and Gold Christ can play. To envision a new alchemy of body, soul, ecology and cosmos.
So again I want to circle back and reflect on this loss of children and the destructive elements
Hell and its Fury is what the headlines of the Australian newspaper had yesterday quoting Kevin Rudd who had poetically worked Shakespeare. Its poetic and it carries layers of meaning. Hell hath no fury like a women scorned said Shakespeare. Hell as it came to be imagined in the European Christian terms is an underworld place where souls are eternally tormented “Where the fire doesn’t go out “said Jesus. Pluto has been linked to a feminine earth goddess who is returning with fury. Some believe this fury emerged In Nazi Germany. We, as in Western world have repressed this aspect and now its back . In Australia we can ignore the implications of human destructiveness. We don’t have a Nagasaki, Hiroshima or an Auschwitz t o reflect upon. The massive destruction of the aboriginal people happened in the bush and desert all across the country and was not located in one central place. The bush is part of our mythology and our soul. It’s the great paradox that we love it and yet we have destroyed it at an unbelievable rate. Maybe these recent fires are connected to global warming maybe not. But they are being linked in our minds. Its really like we have unleashed hell, we have scorned nature ( and the aboriginal connection to her) and she is pissed off. And child murder or sacrifice??
It sounds like a huge stretch but I can’t help but think of rebirth which inevitably emerges out of such destruction. This is the way it’s happened in nature for millennia. But right now it’s taken on a wider meaning. The whole world and perhaps especially Australia is seeking a rebirth. Flooding is so obviously connected to birth. In Re-birthing they talk of the “ring of fire” as the babies head is close t o emerging from the birth canal and under extreme pressure.
To have flooding and fire together? And Child Murder. Are they linked? Is this the destructiveness that will herald a rebirth? Then there’s the grief that has been unleashed. Genuine grief. There was genuine widespread shock and grief when the little girl was thrown from the bridge. And genuine shock and grief at the fires. So close together.
And as every therapist knows grief always joins up. Whatever grief has been locked up in our psyche about our treatment of indigenous people, the land, each other. I hope it’s been unlocked for many people. Could this be the tipping point?
Bradford Keeney the American Shaman has told how indigenous Shaman all around the world have spoken a similar prophecy for the Western world. It’s something like, unless there is a flood of tears there will be a flood of destruction. I for one am praying that we can open to gold in the green before it’s too late.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Tiger, tiger.

Last night I went to bed and dreamt as we all do. This was the dream. I had killed a Tiger. It was large but not abnormally so and it lay before me. Then I proceeded to cut off its head with a large sharp knife. As I cut away I thought about how I would bury the head and let the flesh rot away and eventually I would clean it and have this great skull as a sort of trophy. The strange thing was there was not much emotion in the dream. It was just a task, a job I was completing.
I woke with a newfound sense of hope. No doubt there are many ways to interpret and make sense of the dream. It reminded me of the scene in the movie 300 when the leader goes out to hunt a wild animal as form of initiation. To prove his manhood or face his fear. For me it was like the psyche was saying you have completed this task. You have faced your fear symbolised by the tiger one of the most beautiful and most powerful animals in the jungle. Now all that’s left is to ritually prepare this great big magnificent skull. There is a lot more that I could say about the dream and how it relates to me and to you no doubt.
I went to work with a strong sense of feeling different inside.
Then after lunch it dawned on me that I had made yet another mistake in booking people. No need for details but it was a big stuff up on my part! I was ashamed and depressed by this. The day went on I didn’t want to dwell on it yet in the back of my mind I knew it was sign. It was more then just forgetfulness. Yes I am tired and under stress with the baby in hospital but in heart I knew that was just an excuse.
I talked to a friend and we had a discussion about putting things out and trusting that the cosmos or god will provide. It’s about the state of your heart that matters. I have been thinking about this and how it works. I /we need t o move house immediately and it’s too hard with a baby in hospital and a car in the mechanics and very little spare cash. Impossible at some level. And I am not happy at work. And bewildered by how come I am doing work that doesn’t challenge and stretch me. Then it struck me. This is all a symptom of where I am at. It’s all connected but work is the central issue. My heart is not in this work. I knew that but have been too scared t o face it and equally unsure about where my heart was if not here. I know that I wan to be engaging with the public. Engaging, inspiring, challenging, provoking and having the same done to me. And be doing it publicly on a larger stage. I want to make a scene about the things I care about, about ideas, and meanings and people and creativity. And I knew then that it was my self that was preventing this from happening and the dream was saying I had already killed the tiger. That is no half hearted thing to do. It would have taken 110% commitment. I had done it already at some level. Time to do it in the real world.
So I have decided t o put myself out there. I am a passionate communicator and a performer and I want to communicate and perform. Others have said I am gifted. I acknowledge that. I am all but useless at some things around day to day life, they bore to me to tears, but other things especially with large groups of people I just relax and at times assort of magic occurs. I have seen it happen and I know I can make it happen. It’s not a delusion.
To do that most widely is through the media. In my mind went from writing for a newspaper, something I have thought of before, to being on radio, again something I have thought of and others have encouraged to being on TV. Again I had thought about this and others had suggested it but I have never really put my heart into it. What have I got to lose but my boredom, my fantasies, and my mediocrity? I would love to have a TV show that is part comedy, part serious and meaningful. That engages in serious discussion about us and where we are going. That talks about hopes and dreams and culture. The stuff of life. That asks big questions and is prepared to make mistakes openly and learn openly. That speaks to the heart of our culture that speaks about the mysteries not just about he surface headlines. I would love to have the freedom to explore a sort of public psychotherapy that nudges us away from our self focus towards a community/ecological focus. We are all in this together, including the rocks, the trees, the birds and the insects. All of us!
It’s a big leap I know, a huge leap. And I have wanted to make that leap forward for years now. I wont bore you with the details…honestly I have been around in circles a million times, no exaggeration. A million and more times searching the job ads talking to people, visioning, praying endlessly and still dead ends or a million possibilities but nothing fixed. Nothing I could really put my heart and soul into. And maybe it had t o be like this till I reached an age and maturity and things settled in my life and some hard won wisdom was gained.
And for the astrologically tuned will know that Jupiter the planet of expansion and more and Neptune the planets of dreams and visions and more are now both travelling through Aquarius( the sign of community and communication and more) and will conjunct (come together and mutually activate each others energies later this year. This will affect everyone but also they will be very close to my natal Jupiter. They will both cross next year. My natal Jupiter is also conjunct Chiron the planet of the wounded healer. In simple terms it will be a once in a lifetime event. A psychologist/astrologer I saw briefly last year predicted that I would get a healing that nothing would prepare me for. In some ways I have had glimpses of this all my life and now is time for the main event. And yes my ego gets excited by that and all that I have learnt and know in my bones tells me that any thing good becomes better if shared. More the anything else I want in my life is to see my country step up to the mark and bring something new to the world. By God we are going t o need it! I don’t know how we are going to do it but the intuitions are getting stronger and forming. This has to be worked out publicly.
I actually hate the TV which is a great irony and rarely watch it but nonetheless it dominates so many of us. Why not use it for good. So there you have it maybe next week I will change my mind…as I am apt to do. Things do change when you put them out there. Or maybe the universe will take me seriously. Let’s wait and see.
I want to add that yes I am aware that I will need to work out the details and clarify what I want from a TV program. Maybe I have t o that first before the universe acts? Or maybe it will happen “on the road” so to speak. Or maybe I am just plain crazy!! Let’s wait and see…

Monday, February 2, 2009

Blinded by the life.

For most of my life I have felt like a blind man attempting to put together a jigsaw puzzle. My immersion in Christianity helped me find a whole range of pieces. Mal Garvin. So did reading especially Jung and Hillman: Psychology. Tim Winton and David Malouf. Michael Leunig, Painting and writing my dreams, having children, the ocean, trees, the wind, places: Margaret River, the Nullarbor, Fingal, Burleigh heads. Archetypal cosmology seems to have provided the missing pieces. Soul and Body and intellect and aesthetic sense and imagination. Ecology.
Today I felt like a fish out of water.
Had to get my car to the mechanic. It’s been sitting for nearly a year. Transmission had died. Cost 2 grand to fix. Is this a metaphor for my life? Unable to transmit. My trans-mission isn’t working. My trance-mission? I finally get the money only to find the rego’s run out and it needs a roadworthy, maybe another 2 grand!! I will try a dodgy mechanic as I need it on the road.
6.30 in the morning it won’t start! Monday morning. I rung RACQ only to find my membership had run out. The credit on the phone runs out before I could renew. Changed phones renewed, $100 later. The car starts but has a leaking back tire and a battery that needs replacing. I drive to mechanic and the battery has died. More money I don’t have before it’s even been looked at. How do I get the key to them? Tomorrow maybe.
Work? I sit through meetings not uttering a word, miss meetings, double book people. Have one good session in which it all comes together and I know I’ve made a difference. Catch a bus to hospital. Cuddle baby who is beautiful, so beautiful… trying t o sleep in a room with other people visiting, bells ringing, nurses talking, other baby’s crying. My partner struggles with it all. Depression looms. Our house is messy/chaotic. We have to move soon. No money. Saturn is retrograding back towards my natal Pluto. A notoriously difficult placement.
I dream of doing a PHD but wonder if it’s really what’s calling me. Australia its past and potential future. I can see the archetypal patterns emerging. Australia the Awakener. I want to make a difference, a big difference. So frustrated, so tired, I long to just listen to song of the birds, watch the crows, the magpies that populate the trees in our backyard. To listen to the wind, to feel the wind on my face. I love the wind. To be near the water, to be near my boys .To be alone with my soul. To let my soul lament. To reflect and let all the questions be present. How did I get here? Did something go wrong or is this right somehow? It feels wrong to always struggle with basics. Most people go to uni get degrees and don’t look back. It barely made a difference to my struggle How come? Is this mental illness? The culture of individualism says yes. What’s wrong with you? It’s your responsibility.
Is it a family curse I carry? Power coming from poor in the old Irish. Money the root of all evil says the Bible. Am I scared of my own evil, that I will become evil if I have money. It doesn’t fit, doesn’t make sense. Astrology says 12th house placements of planets are deeply unconscious and bring restrictions and self undoing. That’s true! I have sun conjunct Uranus. Turn on the juice, the electricity. Power. Yet it overpowers not empowers me. I can empower others not myself. Shoot myself in the foot (often) and then blow both my legs off! Creative religious explosion? Playing with explosives is serious business. I think of my granddad: Snow (nickname). Loved kids in the old fashioned way not the catholic priest way. Cleaned up the mess/the chaos of explosives. A miner, Gold Miner. Underground. Gelignite in rock deep underground, He was the first ones in there with only a hanky tied around his mouth and nose. Erecting timber beams. Loses lots of his mates and dies at 69(too young) from the dust in his lungs. Vivid Blues eyes like my Mum and one of my sons. Does his legacy live in me? Transformed somehow? Blasting away underground looking for Gold. The endless search. I’ve paid a price. Not much gold…yet?
I think about mining and if it’s a desecration of the mother? Not consciously. Does it matter? That father who drops his daughter off a bridge in a moment of psychiatric stress/ madness. Was he acting out an unconscious rage and powerlessness? Does it matter? Evil is still evil. Good people can do evil. Snow was a good man, just trying t o make a living.
Is the mother earth, Gaia so pissed off that she will flex her muscles and wipe out most of the human race or can we reverse things before it’s too late? Does she speak through snow t o me? What did he learn, what did he soak up through his skin being under the earth for such lengths of time? Are these thoughts crazy? It all feels so huge. To think big feels like a joke. To stop mining would be a joke unimaginable… what kind of head in the clouds, feral hippy dickhead am I? We are all in it together. We all participate in the desecration. The destruction of the sacred earth. No one is guilt free. Its almost impossible t o imagine alternatives?
Writing it out clears space, erect the timber, and give it form, Saturn. I need boundaries. We need new forms. Australia can be a place of, is a place of new forms. It’s in me it’s in others, underground, unseen. Pluto.
Obama’s inauguration was of a King not just a president. The U.S rebelled against the mother England and became like her, an empire. No surprises there. Different, yes but similar. Australia hasn’t been able to cut he ties t o Mum. This is the pattern of the Peur, The trickster, Hermes, Mercury and perhaps Uranus. We haven’t really found our identity…yet. It’s in pieces, scattered, slowly being put together.
This day is over. It’s raining. I will sleep and dream. The planets will move and keep moving. My life will unfold amidst all the other lives. We are all in it together.